Frog was lazily sitting at the edge of the pond reflecting on the good life he had. Truth be told, he was relishing his favorite spot on land. I say on land because he had many favorite spots and some of them were in the pond itself. But this spot was just right for a warm spring day because it was carpeted with the softest moss he had ever found. It was so soft and cushiony that along with the deliciously warm spring sun he felt so contented that he was falling asleep. And why not, for a welcome change, he was actually completely alone; there were no pesky kids in sight or, thank goodness, snakes. He had been looking forward to this moment for days. But just when his eyes were about half closed and he was beginning to drift off, he heard a small squeaky voice say, “I’m a jumper.”
It was Rabbit.
Now if Rabbit’s voice had been louder and stronger, Frog might have been alarmed enough to have instantly jumped into the pond. That’s what frogs do when they are alarmed. But when he heard those words, “I’m a jumper,” spoken so lightly, for a second or two he thought he was dreaming. But then he heard some more words.
“Did you hear me, Frog? I said I’m a jumper.”
Well, he thought, “Whoever or whatever it is, it don’t sound threatenin” So he made a remarkably agile, athletic, quick turning jump to his left to see where the words were coming from and found himself looking into two small eyes set in a bundle of brown and white fur.
“Yer a rabbit ain’t ya?” he asked.
“Of course I am and I said I am a jumper.”
“Me too.” said Frog
“Yes I know” replied Rabbit “But, you see, I’m a jumper AND a thumper!”
“Well now you may be a jumper and a thumper, but you AIN’T no croaker, wich-a-course I am,” said Frog proudly.
“Oh, I make noises alright,” said Rabbit.
“Noises! You call them dainty little squeaks noises? Why I can’t even think that quiet,” said Frog with a great deal of emphasis.
“At least I don’t keep the whole neighborhood up all night when everyone is trying to get some sleep. Why those croaks of yours are a menace to one’s health and well being.” declared Rabbit.
“Let me tell ya, Rabbit, there’s times I pend on them croaks for my health and well bein’. Matter a fac, I make some of the sweetest croaks on the pond. Jes ask the lady frogs, they’ll sure nuff vouch fer it. Course you wouldn’t know nothin bout that cuz you’re jes too dainty fer that kinda frog stuff. Darned if I can figur out how you and Mrs Rabbit get on wit things. One of them great puzzlin mistries of life, I spect.”
“Well now, you do talk on a ways, don’t you?” asked Rabbit with more of a statement than a question. “Anyway, I should also point out that I am soft and cuddly, unlike you of course. Oh yes, and Mrs Rabbit likes me very much this way.”
“Well ain’t this jest gettin as cute an perty as one a them little flies on the tip of my tongue. Course I don’t get a real good look at them nervous little critters cause they’s in my belly for I know what I done.”
“That’s disgusting, Frog. Primitive’s more like it. Why there’s another thing I can put on my list of attributes. I’m evolved. I don’t eat other living creatures. I’m a Vegan!”
“A what?”
“A Vegan, Frog. Vegans eat only vegetarian things, things that don’t have thoughts and feelings like living animals do. My, you do have a lot to learn.”
“Well Rabbit, speakin bout thinkin’ an feelin’ and how veggie stuff don’t do none of it, I spose you mite jes lern a few things from that perty lily pad I was settin’ on and talkin wit tuther day. In fac, she bout push me rite off in ta du water; said I was hurtin her and she’s bout to yell out. But den I dun spose that’d work out none fer you cuz I dun reckon Rabbit cin talk wit lily pads like Frog can.”
Well, that was near the limit for Rabbit. It was almost more than he could process with any degree of equanimity. His nose began to twitch at a remarkably rapid rate even for a rabbit, and after he had thumped twenty or thirty times in rapid succession, he actually did a back flip and almost landed on Frog. Finally, with great effort and concentration and with his very best you-listen-to-me face, he locked his little eyes directly on Frog’s and said, “My dear Frog, your ignorance is exceeded only by your dishonesty. Any fool knows that lily pads don’t talk. And even though you are apparently quite ignorant, I suspect that even you know that.”
Frog just sat there with a kind of sleepy calm composure and asked, “That so?” But without waiting for an answer he said, “If I knowed that I’d a spent more time croaken than conversin with that lily pad that don’t talk. Been wastin my time, is that what yer tellin me, Rabbit? Course now I do have a serious problem. How you spose’ I should tell Lily she don’t talk without gettin’ her all upset?”
That did it! Rabbit’s nose looked like it was having some kind of a catastrophic breakdown. It was now twitching so fast one had to wonder if he could get control of it ever again! Then, his whole body began to shiver, quiver and shake. It was a truly worrisome site to behold. But finally he barely managed to say, “Frog, you are incorrigible! Of course you do not have a serious problem. And if you don’t know it then I cannot begin to tell you how pitiful and hopeless you are. Why would you worry about hurting Lily’s feelings? No. Wait! I didn’t mean to call her—I mean it—Lily! Now you have got me so upset I’m starting to sound like you. I meant to say, why would you worry about the feelings of some mindless plant? Plants do not talk! Lily pads do not talk! That is factual. That’s it! That’s all I’m going to say about it and I don’t want to hear anymore of your nonsense. And if anyone is wasting time, it’s me talking to the dumbest creature I have ever known. Now why don’t you just jump into the pond and go bother some one else with your silly Frog talk.”
Rabbit had really gotten himself worked up this time. It was worse than the last time if you can even imagine that. Every last part of him was in motion. All his parts were moving so rapidly that one had to seriously wonder if they wouldn’t fly apart in all directions at any moment. It was so worrisome that even Frog looked concerned. And after he mumbled something about ‘them humans say we can’t talk too,’ he said simply, “Spose I’ll take yer vice, Rabbit. Spose that’s the bes thing to do considerin yer condishun.”
At that, Frog reared back a little, then pushed off with his big strong rear legs and jumped into the pond leaving Rabbit shaking and quivering and twitching at the edge. Within seconds Frog emerged from the water and climbed up onto a pretty emerald green lily pad.
Now even though it appeared that Rabbit had decisively dismissed Frog, the odd thing was that he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off this audacious creature—the very one whose words and behavior he had allowed so quickly to frazzle every rational nerve in his soft and cuddly little body. For the life of him, he couldn’t look away or move away from Frog, which I think you will agree, would have been the wise thing to do at that point.
Instead, he just stayed fixed in that same spot in his sorry condition as he watched and heard Frog say, “Lily, if ya’d jes let me set here for a spell, I’d be most ‘bliged. I been conversin wit Rabbit an he tell me you don’t talk. So’s I’m a bit sturbed an need to rest a spell. What’s that ya say, Lily? He mus be purty dumb cuz yer talkin to me right now? Well now ain’t that the truth but the poor fella jes don’t wanta cept it. What’s that, Lily? Is he a Vegan? Well now, ain’t you the smart one! Thas zactly wut he told me! I ain’t hurtin ya none am I? Well, thank ya, Lily, you jes tell me if I do and I’ll jump right off.”
